Drawn to Different



sewed on June and July this week

Originally uploaded by Q_uilted T_hrifted

I have always been drawn to different, I feel a comfort level within different. I imagine it comes from way back. As far back as I can remember I have had hair that I feel is different than any one else. My parents situation was different than most. I found later my friends I gravitated to were experiencing similar situations but in very different ways,
Within this feeling of different I think I have protected my heart but it is a heart that has intense feeling. Both of my sons are this way. That intensity can cause quickness that has taken understanding to harness.
In this quilt it is made of the littlest of left over pieces, scatterings of here and there, I think they make a big statement. I have been thinking of putting a red border around the inner section and then continuing with the “coins” running around the perimeter.
When my older son was in school I feared the push to mold him into the norm would cause him to lose his amazing individuality, his spirit, his creativity. He survived. There has been scarring but he is moving forward and is being creative with his music while working for a company that takes care of (tries to protect) high need adults. It amazes me he is where he is. We have nurses and social workers in my family so I am not surprised. I wonder where life will take him.
I continue on this piece not knowing exactly where it is going, modifying the plan along the way, it evolves from the fabrics I have around me and the projects I am continually working on.
This past holiday season was difficult with my mom having a stroke and recovering well but also knowing things are now different. My best friend from high school’s son committed suicide two days before Christmas. I have always worried about my older son and know how strong the pull is in depression to find some kind of peace. For some it has come to this.
My brother died 30 years ago last Memorial weekend. It was in an accident but life was very messy. There was a festering of activity going on trying to find some kind of answer and not being able to get there and then the accident happened. It makes all other activity come to a screeching halt.
Then life moves on again and that feeling of different is intensified. The aging process puts an entirely knew dimension on it because our time here is ,,,, short… limited.
I push myself toward some kind of happiness within trying to make sense of it all. And not even that … sometimes it is just trying to get through one day within it all. Knowing it is limited and making the most of each day would really be the best thing to do… in my different kind of way.

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