Originally uploaded by Q_uilted T_hrifted
It was my brother’s birthday yesterday…and I miss him. He would be 46 years old now. My Mom just had to put her dog RJ to sleep on Tuesday. He was filled with cancer. He was at least 12 years old and the son of Ginger and Rascals. RJ is for Rascals Junior. The family of dogs has been with us my whole life. I was thinking on Tuesday after talking to my mom and wondering if it was so hard for her because of her being 81 years old and coming to terms with death. Now I realize it was because she had to make the decision to put RJ to sleep. My brother was in a coma after a motorcycle accident and after 3 days my mom and dad had to make the decision to take him off of the life support machines….. no wonder she is so sad.
I talked to her yesterday and usually on Kevin’s birthday we talk about him a bit. Yesterday we didn’t. My aunt Kay that lives with my mom said mom was having a hard day. I think she has been having a hard week.
On Monday we celebrated the quilting life of my friend Jan who died of cancer recently at the quilt guild that many of the women in my small group belong to. 8 of the woman went up on stage to present Jan’s quilts. I stayed back sitting next to Jan’s daughter Susie. The tears came down so lovingly from Susie. I rubbed her back and we watched as Jan’s first quilt she ever made was presented and then others with the stories… The presentation was lovely. I would say close to 150 women were in attendance.
The next night – Tuesday – our Quiltin’ Babes meeting was scheduledto be at Jan’s house. We went out to Jan’s favorite restaurant in honor of her with Susie and had a wonderful time. Susie showed us pictures of renovations she is doing to the house. At the end of the evening we went up to the rooftop of the restaurant and looked out over the skyline of the city. It felt like we were just that little bit closer to Jan up in heaven.
I hope souls reunite after death. I hope I get to be with my brother again. I hope my Mr gets to be with his mom and sister and brother who all died way too early in life. His aunt who we are all very close to is battling alzheimers. A retired school teacher. What a horrible fate for a teacher. We will go see her today and spend some time together. I hope she remembers us.
Aging and death is so hard. My youngest son just spent 5 days with his auntie and grandma. He came home and that night he asked me. “Mom did it hurt when they cut me out of you?” I told him I had medicine during the time that made me sleep so I didn’t feel it. Afterward they gave me pain medication to reduce the pain. He then asked if they cut me when his big brother was born. I didn’t want to get into natural childbirth with him so I said no I was only cut once. He then said “Did they take Kyle and I out at the same time?’ The boys are 12 years apart in age. My heart was so filled with love at that moment for my little one trying so hard to work through the questions of life. I told him no and just said Kyle was born naturally. I rubbed his back as he slowly started to relax and fall asleep tucked undercovers. He had been away from his mommy for a few days and then thought about pain he may have caused me.
It’s good for him to be away for some time to build that independence.
His older brother was about his age when grandma Susan died of cancer. Kyle had all kinds of questions about death and started to worry that his dad and I were going to die. We had to reassure him we were young and healthy.
The finality of death is the hardest thing. There is no changing it. The person is physically gone. You hold onto memories and move forward slowly. Susie’s pain on Monday night was so powerful. I am certain she had a major cry on the way home. It was nice to spend the next evening with her and to laugh and talk and eat and see a smile on her face. It was nice to know we reassured her she is not alone.